When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
