dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Randomize
