you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
