Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
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