I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
