Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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