I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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