I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
