I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
This is my gift to your gina
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
They have beer where we have blood.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Randomize
