On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
