someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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