i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
