every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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