I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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