similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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