where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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