I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
My ass is underappreciated
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
