He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
