If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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