I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
