I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
