Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
