You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
