Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Even the bartender felt bad for me
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
