I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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