i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize