I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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