There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
