my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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