I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
