What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
