let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
