Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
