Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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