Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
