3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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