bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
