She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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