two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I think a kid would responsible me up
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
