just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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