is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
So vagazzling was a success
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
