I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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