haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
