A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
