this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
