You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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