if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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