you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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