I'm drive I can fine osifer
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
