guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
