i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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