i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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