Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Randomize
