i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
