conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
me + whiskey = a bad person
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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