its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
