i always forget guys have bellybuttons
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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