You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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