drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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