Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
