I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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