i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
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