I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
