Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Randomize
