My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
