Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
