we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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