; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
