Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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