End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
