Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
